In my practice as a Holotropic Breathwork facilitator, I often get the feeling that the individuals who feel disappointed after a HB session are among the persons who could benefit from it.

I remember feeling extremely frustrated after my first few HB sessions, because I had expected something as powerful as my previous psychedelic experiences. However, even though I dutifully breathed for almost the whole duration of the session, I did not perceive any significant change to my state of consciousness. It was frustrating. And feeling this frustration, I handled it the only way I knew how: by justifying it rationally and projecting it outside. I remember thinking “What a rip off !” and feeling that everyone who seemed to have experienced something were somehow “faking it”.

I often had the feeling that it was a rather common experience, but of course, the people who feel this frustration after a session never contacted me about it. It would make sense that I would be the very last person they would want to talk with about this frustration, since I am partly the cause of it. Reading this Reddit post confirmed my suspicion.

This is interesting: it looks like some people are blaming the method exactly because they are not using it. The Holotropic method states that you should not favor any state of mind and that you should try to “stay with” whatever you are experiencing. If you experience frustration, you should “stay with” frustration. And “staying with” is the complete opposite of rationalization or projection. Why? Because rationalizing and projecting is a refusal to own something. It is a way of saying: “I am not frustrated, it is the situation that is frustrating. I am not responsible for this frustration, someone or something else is, because of this and because of that.”

But the Holotropic method says that you should stay with the frustration. It does not mean that you have to justify it. You should just feel it, because obviously, it is a very painful experience that you are trying to get away from in a hurry. The frustration-because-the-method-does-not-work is precisely the method working.

If you are into rationalization, you might argue that the Holotropic Breathwork method is unfalsifiable, meaning that it only turns the tables all the time, and that it is scientifically dishonest.

But Holotropic Breathwork is not a science. It does not aim to be consensually true. It only wants to create a space where you will be able to explore your psyche, to experience things in a different way.

Of course, you always have a choice to experience pain or not when it presents itself, but you also need to have the honesty to recognize that what is guiding you, when you are choosing not to experience something, is not intellectual or moral integrity, but plain old fear. And it is perfectly ok to be afraid, as long as you accept to own your fear. I keep saying it every session: “Holotropic Breathwork is hard work. I am in awe of the courage of people who willfully explore their psyche.” Those are not just words that sound cool. I believe this will all of my heart ! This work can bring us to some very painful and scary places, sometimes.

But when we choose to stay with those difficult sensations, emotions, feelings or thoughts, when we choose to stay with them just one more minute, some amazing things start to happen.

I cannot say what will happen to you. All I can share is what happened to me when I was finally able to stay with my frustration and own it.

Very quickly, I realized that my frustration was linked to a very deep sensation of shame: I was ashamed because I was feeling broken, unable to experience what I thought should be experienced or what I perceived other participants were experiencing. Ultimately, I was ashamed because I was questioning my sense of belonging in this universe and I was left with the clear sensation that “I am not wanted”. The origin of this “I am not wanted” is ultimately irrelevant, but I do understand that it is sort of my default programming: whenever I walk into a room, I feel not wanted; whenever I meet someone new, I feel not wanted; whenever I encounter any form of spiritual experience, I feel not wanted. This feeling was totally unconscious, and yet, it colored almost every experience I’ve ever had.

There is a tremendous sense of empowerement each time I am able to bring to my awareness this profound realization, because instead of automatically feeling “I am not wanted” as a truth in a particular situation, I understand that I am bringing the “I feel not wanted” bias to the situation. This might sound like a clumsy zen-wanna-be like realization, but to me, it is truly a game changer.

Not all my experiences in Holotropic Breathwork were of this nature and I did experience some wonderful states, but I was glad I was able to stay with my frustration a little bit longer and eventually find a practical tool I can use to transform how I am present in this world and how I relate to others.

I can only wish you will be able to find deep blessings in the most unusual places.